72 Days till my race with Shannon Franklin!

It was an early, foggy morning when Corlyn and I set out on yet another adventure. She was getting to be a good buddy for this type of thing! We arrived at Point Mugu only a few minutes before the start of the 18k. She would start the 11k about 20 minutes after me. I started at a great pace – for a flat 5k!! Someone forgot to tell me that I wasn’t a contender to win this one, especially since this was my first real trail run in over 6 months. It took me about 2 miles of uphill to find my correct place among the pack and I reminded myself why I was doing this. In just a few weeks, I would be pacing Erich in Javelina. I needed to know I hadn’t completely lost the ability to go long. My time wasn’t anything to speak of, but even with the fast start, I was pleasantly surprised to make it the whole 11 miles without a single bonk-like feeling.

I had two hours to myself out on those trails today and they were two hours that were desperately needed to sort through some things going on in my head. It had been a rough few weeks and things didn’t seem to be getting any better. This is a hard thing for me to ‘go public’ with but I feel like I need to share the good with the bad on here, since it is because of other people’s blogs that I realize I’m not the only person that has every gone through this. So here goes…

Since my competition I’ve been completely preoccupied with food. I expected it the first few days, but weeks later I was still fighting my desire to eat more, no matter how much I would eat. I could literally take down 2000 calories in one meal and STILL be hungry. I started feeling depressed, anxious, I’d developed body dismorphia, seeing myself as legitimately fat every time I looked in the mirror and didn’t know who to talk to about it. It’s hard to explain how bad it has gotten or how out of control I truly feel. I felt like like I was going crazy and that no end of this food obsession was in sight. Had I somehow created an eating disorder?

Then I came across this: http://www.mindandmuscle.net/node/227 It explains in great detail exactly what I have been experiencing the past few weeks. I also found blog post after blog post of women that had gone through this same thing post competition. One woman even said it was worse than childbirth. Although I cannot speak for that, I realized that in order to fix it I needed to come up with some things that would be more important to me than eating ridiculous amounts of food. First I set a firm date with Franklin for our race to the death – December 12th at the Make Room For Santa 5k. The second thing was to immediately get in touch with someone who can help me program my nutrition… working on that one now!

Now that I understand what my body is going through, this is easier for me to control, although I still feel like it is going to take me a while to overcome. I’ve been honest with Carl and my coaches and I just have to face this head on to get past it.

Most difficult challenge overall award, mentally and physically, between 100 mile race and figure competition… and the winner is: figure competition. Who knew?

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